Smugglers Cove (Love2write and Silence)

(At that point the doctor would have removed the tubes if she was awake. So long as she can follow they could do a quick surgery and close up the access to her stomach. As for a catheter that would maybe remain longer until they started getting her up to use the bathroom.)


Killian was sitting in the navigation room. He'd moved all the equipment from the control room up there and added a little seat for the boy too. They had blown through most of their big earnings from his expensive black market items. There were a few left to sell but, he wanted to keep those aside for rainy day. Selling them all at once would draw too much attention anyway. Timo was learning all the parts of the ship and soon enough the boy would be able to manage any of the departments by himself if he had to. That was everything with proficiency except the kitchen. None of the men could handle it very well.

Rolling his chair to the side he turned to check the monitors one more time before setting course and auto pilot. "You see that there is how we know that the path will be clear. We'll receive an impact warning with 1 minute to spare if anything comes up in the course. So that's why you have to always be ready to run when you're on the ship." Pushing out of the chair the captain cringed. Kato would probably be doing more of the anti arthritis treatments to see if they could get the bones to be at least a little more healthy. It could help in the long run with the deterioration process. The first few steps were a little uneven and then he got back to his usual stride. It was time to check on Star again. Killian had been checking her several times every day to be sure that she was improving though he was starting to lose hope. Almost felt like she was there but, not quite.

Stepping into the room he was surprised to see that she had restraints on her. She must have started moving. Walking quickly over to the bed he gently grabbed her hand. Rubbing the back of it with his thumb had become rather habitual. "Star?" The woman woke but, not like he had wanted her to. Instead he felt her fingers try to wiggle from his hand. It was like a person would try to get rid of something sticky from their finger tips.

Frowning a little he moved to get a better look at her face. "What's your name then?" Killian couldn't help the slight panic that rose in his mind. She didn't show any kind of recognition. Maybe she wasn't the same person as before. "Do you know where you're at?" Cautiously he tried to proceed with this conversation though he wasn't sure how much good it would do.
 
The man asked her her name and if she knew where she were. She looked back at him, feeling annoyed and frustrated that he was questioning her so casually when she was tied down. Was she a prisoner? What happened? Why was she here? Why did she feel so weak? Why couldn't she remember how she'd gotten here?

With much effort she manages to answer his first two questions, her voice hoarse and strained. "Anne. Ship medbay..." Star looks down at her right arm. The tubes that had been there had been removed and her arm bandaged. She could feel the stitches in her side where the feeding tube had been. At least those were gone.

She looks back up at the man then back down at the restraints trying to signal him to release her. Behind him she could see the other man that had originally restrained her. She pulled against the restraints again just wanting to be free.

The doctor put a hand on killian's shoulder then looks kindly at Star. I can remove your restraints but you need to remain in the bed. Alright?"
A series of questions flow into her mind at this but she could only manage to get one word out. "Why?"
 
Killian wasn't sure what to do with the name of Anne. If that's what she wanted to be called he could do that. This was for all the doctor had told him still shocking. How could she not know her own name? Following her gaze to the restraints and then back he was about ready to shake his head. Whatever the doctor had restrained her for he didn't know. Had to be for good reason though.

The hand on his shoulder made him tense and he glowered at Kato for a moment. Sounded like the doctor was going to remove the restraints. That made Killian feel a little better. Then Star...Anne had to ask why. "Because you almost died. Probably not recommended to go around bouncing in the ship just yet." Telling her the truth should be sufficient reason not to be trying to get up. Reaching for one of the restraints he carefully pulled the strap back and loosened it. Kato took one side and Killian the other. He still couldn't resist asking her another question. Trying to be as gentle as possible about the situation he ventured forth. "If your name is Anne then what's my name?"
 
As soon as the restraints were loosened she sighed in relief, immediately scratching at an itch that had been bothering her arm, and then pulled the blankets a little tighter around her. She felt cold and confused. Her body ached and tongue didn't seem to work the way she wanted it to. Worst of all, all these people seemed to know her...but had no memory of them. She looked up at the scruffier looking one as he asked if she knew his name. She shook her head, feeling bad as a look of devastation crossed his face.

An excited yell from her left caused her to turn her head. A boy ran up to her with the happiest expression she'd ever seen. "Star! You're awake! FINALLY! It's been weeks and weeks! Are you feeling better!? Agh!" He practically jumps on her, wrapping his arms around her neck. "I'm soo happy you're not dead! The food tastes awful without you! When will you start cooking again?"
Star blinks, that look of confusion furrowing her forehead. Yet another person calling her Star and yet another person she didn't recognize. She manages a pained smile for the boy's sake and pats him on the back, noting how much effort it took to even do that. Weeks he'd said. How much time was she missing?

Kato pulls Timo off of her. "Ok, we should probably let her rest now."
"But I just got here! I want to talk to her!" Timo protests.
"She's very tired, Timo. You can talk with her some tomorrow."
"Awwww...." Timo whined, looking to Killian for help.
 
Killian hadn't intended for any emotion to cross his face. It was only a brief lapse. Things were bound to get worse as the boy came in charging up to the bed. Timo had launched himself onto the bed before Killian could even catch him. The slew of questions was likely going to get the same damn blank expression. In many ways Killian was thinking it might have been easier not to know if she remembered them. It would have come out in time anyway.

Soon as the doctor had the boy pried off the woman Killian took his hand. "Nope we need to let her rest." Limping out the door with Timo he took a deep breath and took himself with the boy back to the navigation room.

The two of them kicked back in their chairs. It was silent for a long time and then he decided he had to say something to Timo. "Something happened to her head. She must have hit it hard. Star doesn't remember us and she wants to be called Anne now." The boy started to get a pathetic look on his face and Killian shook his head. "Nothing I can do about it. Go get Comet and lets see if she can catch that lizard that snuck on board before we left port yesterday."
 
Star sat on the edge of her bed later that evening, her arms trembling as she just managed to support herself enough to stay upright. The ground was looking very far away and she'd used most of her energy just getting this far. She glances up as someone exclaims. "Whoa, Sta...I mean Anne...what are doing?" Kato, as she had learned was the doctor's name, came to her side putting a hand on her arm. "Moving..." She replies irritably.
"You really should be resting." He urges as she grips his arm.
"I want to...walk." Using him as a support she fights to stand. Everything spun the moment she was upright. He puts an arm around her waist supporting her, as she grabs hold of his shirt, leaning on him heavily to remain upright. She breathed heavily frustrated that it took so much effort just to do something as simple as standing.
"Do you want to go somewhere or shall we sit you back down?" Kato asks. He looks up as Killian comes in for his regular visit.
"Sit...sit..." She trembles badly as he helps her sit back down, her face pale from the effort. Only now without all the blankets on her could one see that she'd lost a significant amount of weight. Once a health 130 pounds, she was barely pushing 105.
"Do you want to try and eat something now?" Kato asks.
She shook her head. "Not hungry." Star catches Killian's eye. She could see that look of pain, liked he lost a best friend in her but didn't want to say anything. And that kid...the way he'd held her and been so excited. She blanches further. God...don't tell me I have a kid and can't remember him.
Kato was saying something about her trying to eat anyway but she wasn't listening. "Why am I here...this...ship...?" She asks, looking at him. She had too know. There were so many gaps and it was killing her not knowing.
 
For now keeping the boy away from Star was the best. Just for a few days. Killian cooked a small dinner. Nobody ate large servings when he cooked and he was fully aware of why. Quietly the group of men huddled around the table and ate as they had for the last several weeks. He'd never noticed how lonely the table really was till Star wasn't there anymore. "Was it always this quiet when we ate?"

Mike glanced up at the captain and nodded. "Aye it was before she came along. Most we'd get is a few grunts from each other about something." In fact the older man remembered sometimes days or weeks when none of them said a word. There was just a quiet understanding with the crew. It wasn't that way anymore. Timo was learning to be a member and they had to constantly explain to the boy how navigational systems worked, what to do in control, and how to manage the engine room. Wasn't a lot of time for anything being a whole man short and then the extra load of kitchen duties for a week at a time. At least they took the time splitting up with the boy. Next week Mike would cook and work with Timo.

After dinner Killian set a bowl aside for Star. Wandering quietly toward the room he saw her emaciated looking form hobbling about the room clutching onto the doctor. Leaning against the doorframe he waited for her to be seated and then he barely stepped into the room. It was easier just to observe from his place right now. Inevitably she did have another question. Kato like usual was a chicken shit and didn't seem keen on answering so Killian did. "You were part of the crew. Navigator mutinied and locked the ship down. Came back with a mini crew of his own and shot the place up. We were docked for a few weeks to make repairs on the ship and let the crew heal. You seemed to have gotten the worst injuries." Meeting her gaze momentarily he then added. "What do you remember about yourself?" Maybe they could piece something together if she could even get to the part of the Hells Angels. While his knowledge was limited there he could piece some of her story together.
 
She shook her head. "I don't..." It was all scattered. The memories she did have didn't make sense because she lacked context. Others she was pretty sure were out of order, like her brain couldn't figure out her timeline. "My name...Anne...Starla...Lane. I remember...places...some faces...but..." She put a hand to her head which had begun to ache.
"Its natural for there to be some memory loss with your sort of injury." Kato explains. "Most should return in time."
"How long?" She demands with a bite anger in her tone.
He shrugged. "Days, weeks, months...maybe never. Each person is different."

Star blinked wearily at the ground. Her body was still trembling but this time from the cold. She just wanted a hot bath and to sink into a comfortable bed with a good pillow. Then, she had a thought. "Do I...do I have..." Words...she'd begun to hate them...or at the very least, hate how she couldn't find them. "A bed...elsewhere. On the ship?" Star was sick of this medbay. If she could have her own room again with some privacy, surrounded by familiar objects, she'd feel much more comfortable.
"Give yourself another day or two. Just to make sure you're stable. Then we can definitely get you back to your room." Kato replies
She didn't look happy about having to delay but nods, too tired to argue. She lays back down and with Kato's help is able to get the blankets tucked back around her shivering form. She almost looked as if she were about to fall asleep, but then...another question. "The kid...who is he?"
 
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It was all the more Killian could bear to watch for the time. He was already tired and it felt like his emotions were hanging on a thread. As the doctor explained to her when she could go back to the room he turned to leave. There was only so much a person could handle. Out in the corridor he leaned against a wall. This was insane. Now that she was awake and the doctor would be watching her for a few days he could give some space before showing her around the ship.

With that he pushed off the wall and returned to his room. He never heard the question about the boy. Taking himself to his room he reached up to lock it and then remembered that Timo would be coming in soon for bed. Laying back on his own bed the captain pulled one of the many pillows that he still used to prop his leg up and flopped it over his face. "Ugh..." Somehow tomorrow he would have to pull himself together enough to ask the woman to walk with him on the ship while he showed her all the critical areas and how to find her way.

*******************************************************

Early the next morning Timo was almost bouncing with glee. He wanted to see Star and Killian was trying to avoid the first morning visit. The avoidance must have been long enough because Mike came pounding on the door. "Captain you in there yet?"

"Yeah I'm here." Killian lumbered to the door and pulled it open. "I'm going."

Mike searched the man's face for a long moment before saying anything. "It hurts. Maybe you should think about this as a way to start over. You know your first impression with her was pretty bad. Probably the second and third too. She's a forgiving woman deep down inside. This might be a good way to make another first impression. From my perspective you weren't starting off too badly." There was still plenty of room for the captain to mess up and it wouldn't be surprising if he did. However, Star would forgive him and see past all the gruff exterior. She always had before. It may take time and Mike was sure that she would come around.

Frowning at the man Killian pushed past him. Still it was an interesting way to view things. Walking into the room he looked at Star...Anne and shifted nervously from one foot to another before approaching her bed. "Sorry I was a little rude yesterday. Didn't introduce myself. I'm the captain. Name is Killian." Waiting for her to respond he nodded and then offered a hand. "You wanna see the ship? No need to worry about getting tired I'll uh...I could carry you for the rest if you need. Got a wheelchair otherwise." He was getting close to rambling and he knew it so he finished up the idea real fast. "Or we could just walk here a little bit and exercise a little off and on until you feel ready to walk more. We could go to the kitchen and I'll make something for you to eat if you wanna start there. I...." Stopping short he rubbed the back of his neck. "Too many choices huh?"
 
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Timo couldn't wait any longer for the Captain to get up to meet with Star so he went himself. Star was already sitting up, laboring through a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of hot cocoa.
"Kato said you are having trouble remembering things." The boy says after his initial greeting and took a seat beside her. Star looks up at him from her bowl. He didn't look anything like her...at least not that she could tell. And she found it odd that he called her Star and not mom...if she really were his mother.
"Yeah..." She nods.
"Do you...do you remember me?" Timo asks hopefully.
Star put her spoon down and looked at him sympathetically. "Sorry, Timo. But no. I don't." Again that stab of pain from his look of anguish, much like that other man's. "I guess we were...are...friends?"
"Yeah...you're like...you're like my mom." Timo looks at his hands as he wrung them. "You and Mike both convinced Killian to keep me when I stowed aboard the ship."
"Ah." Star nodded. "That was nice of me."
Timo grins at her. "Yeah. You're really nice. I like you alot. You helped the other homeless kids on the station that I came from as well."
Star smiles lightly. There was a flash of laughing grinning faces. Children's faces, but she couldn't tell if that was the right memory or not. At least it was something. She looks down at her oatmeal and takes another bite, grimacing at the taste.
"Here..." Timo stands, grabs her hot cocoa and pours it into her oatmeal without asking.
She gives him a strange look.
"Try it. You love it...you taught it to me."
Star slowly stirs the cocoa into her oatmeal and takes another bite, smiling at the improved flavor. "Thanks, Timo."
"You're welcome."

They look up as Killian enters the room. "Sorry I was a little rude yesterday. Didn't introduce myself. I'm the captain. Name is Killian." He held out his hand.
Star lifted her own tiny hand and he gently shook it, then offered to take her around the ship. He said alot more but she wasn't able to follow all that he said except for food. "Yeah, anything to get out of this bed." She passes her bowl onto Timo who takes it to the kitchen for her. With slow purposeful movements she managed to get her legs out of the bed and pulls on a coat that Kato had brought out for her. Being so much skinner caused her to get cold very quickly. She holds out her arm and Killian helps her to her feet, putting his arm around her waist as he'd seen Kato do to help her keep her balance. She leans on him heavily for support, determined to walk by herself as long as possible. However, she barely makes it to the door before she's breathing heavily and pale from effort. "Sorry...I can't."
Kato retrieves Killian's wheel chair from the storage. He'd cushioned it with several blankets and wrapped a few more around her shoulders and legs as sat in it. "Thanks, Doc."
"Of course, Anne." He nods to her with a light smile.
"You can call me Star...that's fine. You all seem to be used to it." Star pulls the blankets more tightly around her.
Kato looked up at Killian and nodded to him encouragingly. "Have a good tour. Take care of her Killian."
 
She was moving so slow it was almost painful to have to watch. Killian still had it half in his mind that she would just spring out of bed as if nothing ever happened. It was funny how the mind played those sort of tricks and got expectations raised. Finally when she was ready to stand he scooped her up with one arm supporting her back and his arm around her waist.

It was a little scary how she couldn't even past the door and she was already wore out. Killian paused and stared straight ahead while he waited for the doctor. Finally the man returned with a wheelchair and the captain helped to load her into it. "Alright..." Pausing again he studied her frame dwarfed by the size of the wheelchair. The chair was far too big and she was half blankets in it. His eyes were drawn back to the doctor as the man suggested taking care of her. "I don't plan on dumping her anywhere. You know I'm careful." Though the doctor had a good stoic expression 90% of the time it almost seemed that he had a flicker of expression in his eyes. "Not like I'll offer to race down the halls with her."

Rolling the chair out of the room toward the kitchen he figured they would get the tour of this side done first with the exception of her room and the doctor's room nearby. At least she was close to the doctor when she went to bed at night. "Now we're going to head toward the engine room. Surprise Mike."

The older man turned around wiping his hands on the grease rag. His face lit up when he saw her. "Ah there you are. Getting a tour of the ship with the captain. Be sure to tell him its a piece of junk."

Killian frowned at the man. "Its a perfectly good piece of machinery."

"Well that's what he says." Mike grinned again and offered to take the wheel chair. "I prefer to give you the tour of the engine room myself."

Eventually it was Killian's turn again and he took her down the corridors toward his room and then into the navigation room. "This is navigation and control for now." Rolling her over to the desk he let her pick up some of the equipment. "Any of it feel familiar to you? You weren't in this room most of the time anyway. I just figured you wanna see it up here and play around with stuff." Taking a seat on one of the rolling chairs he sighed and let it remain quiet for a long time. More than likely they were both trying to process an awful lot right now.
 
Star did her best to concentrate on everything she was being shown, but she felt like her mind refused to focus or process more than few things here and there. It would take several trips around the ship for her to remember where everything was. The kitchen felt strange. From what the kid had told her she did alot of the cooking. One would think that would give her a good feeling about the place but it was if her body remembered some bad memory that she didn't here. She shudders slightly, her body aching as he rolled her to the next section, and the next.

Part of the way they ended up the engine room with the engineer named Mike. There was something about him that she liked. He always gave her a genuine smile She felt safe around him...which was more than she could say about the majority of this place and situation. He rolled her around showing her various things and talking about the ship, but most of it went in one ear and out the other. It was exceedingly frustrating. She fought to keep the growing frown off her face, not wanting them to think she was ungrateful.

Finally they reached the navigation and he rolled up the desk. She peeked a thin hand out from beneath the blankets, fingering some of the objects. Killian, the Captain...he was clearly trying to help her remember, but if anything she just felt more overwhelmed and confused than before. Finally she shook her head and ducked her hand back under the blankets. "Can I see...?" The words failed her again. She frowned deeply staring at desk as she tried to find the words, her fist clenching in anger at herself and her stupid brain. "That place...we talked about it earlier...my place."

Killian stood and rolled her to her room. By this point she was getting exceedingly tired, but she was anxious to see if anything in this place triggered her memory. He rolled her to the closet first. The closet too held clothes that were definitely her style but she couldn't remember purchasing them. A red dress in particular caught her eye. She reached out and touched it, fingering the material. It brought up happy feelings but she couldn't remember why.

He rolled over over to the desk next. It was covered in little trinkets and jewelry, none of which she recognized. A music player sat in the corner and she reached out to turn it on but nothing she pressed seemed to do it. Why? turning on a music player should have been the simplest thing in the world. Eventually Killian reached out and did for her. It began playing one of her favorite songs. Her eyes lit up. She remembered that. She teared up, tears rolling down her cheek as she smiled. "I remember this song. I love this song." She says quietly.
As the song continues to play, she covers her mouth with her hand, weeping softly.
 
Killian felt a little miserable. She wasn't remembering anything and he'd tried hard not to ask her too many questions. Even the quiet time wasn't that helpful for her. At last she wanted to go to her room so he took her back that way. "Well I had to save the best for last. You said you wanted to see the room the other day." He'd gone through and tried to neaten it some though he wasn't sure it looked that much better.

Inside he wheeled her around and it almost looked like she had a momentary recall of the dress. He had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything about it. Making the last turn in the room he noticed that she was trying to get the boom box to play something. At first he figured she would get it and when she didn't he reached over her shoulder and pushed the button. Whatever the significance of the song he didn't know and it was hard to guess. Letting go of her wheelchair he stepped back and let her have the moment.

However it didn't seem to take long for the woman to be exhausted all over again. Killian didn't know what to do with a weeping woman. It was all pointless so far as he could tell and it made him nervous. After a moment he moved around to sit on the bed so he could see her face. "You need anything?"
 
"I need my memory back!" She cries in frustration, wiping her face and nose on the blanket. Star leans back in the wheelchair, blinking wearily, unable to hold her head up any longer. "I can't remember why a red dress makes me happy or a love song makes me sad." She sighs, shaking her head. "I need my body back. I'm cold and weak all the time. I feel so helpless. I can't even use the toilet by myself." She stared at the desk longingly, then shifted her eyes to Killian who looked as awkward and depressed as she felt. "Sorry. I'm grateful...for the tour. I just need...some sleep."
 
Instinctively Killian flinched slightly when she made a sudden statement. It wasn't helpful to ask her obviously. He'd already debated several times if it would be awkward to say anything to her about where they left off. In his mind it was easier to let her discover that for herself. Many things in life you just took but, this was something he was still half terrified of. A relationship with a woman. Just nodding he listened to her while she described her frustrations. "I could leave a tablet for you with a big red button and all you have to do is push the button and someone would come to help you. If you want to stay here in your room." Getting off the bed he started for the control room. It would only take a few moments to retrieve a pad.

When he came back she was still sitting in the chair. Handing her the button pad he pointed to the big red button. "That's it." Setting it up as an emergency signal was easy and it would page himself or Kato. "You just hold onto that and I'll put you in the bed." She felt so light when he picked her up and her bones almost seemed to rattle with every bit of movement.

Laying her down on the bed he pulled the blankets up. "Just remember to push the button and someone will come check on you after a bit anyway." Killian started for the doorway and then paused. "Just so you know this a smuggling ship." It was best to tell her now instead of having her find out by some strange course of action.
 
A big red button. Star smiles lightly at the datapad. She didn't know why she found it amusing, but she did. As Killian lifts her, her head lolls against his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady. The way he cradled her so tenderly, made her wish he would hold her until she fell asleep. In her mind, he was a stranger...and an odd one at that. One she wouldn't normally trust. But something about him made her long to know him and understand why she'd chosen to remain on this ship, with these people.

He lays her down and tucks her in, the big red button in hand's reach next to her pillow. She almost fell asleep right there but then his voice sounds from the doorway. "Just so you know this a smuggling ship."
"I must have been pretty desperate to join your crew then...I hate smuggling." She murmurs, then a quiet chuckle. "Hey, I remembered...that..." Star's voice drifts off and she falls asleep, snuggled in the blankets and pillows.
****
Star woke to Kato standing over her bedside with what looked like a bottle of green slush. "Good Afternoon. Its time for some vital nutrients and vitamins."
She made a face at him and tries to hide under her blanket and get back to sleep. He doesn't let her though and pulls the blanket away, helping her sit up. "You need to eat as frequently as possible, regain some of that weight you've lost."
"That's not something a guy tells a girl everyday." She chuckles, taking the bottle. She takes a sip, instantly grimacing.
"Ugh...that's disgusting."
"I am sorry, but its necessary." Kato nods to her to continue.
"Cruel..." She grumbles but does continue. The strong flavor abates after several sips. She was already full, but he didn't seem like he was going to let her get away with just half a bottle. A knock sounds at her door and both look up. Timo peeks through, grinning at her. Cute kid.
"Hi! I brought something to show you, Star!"
Star pats the bed beside her and he rushes over, sitting close beside her. He held a datapad in his hand and set it on her lap triumphantly. It was a picture, of her and Timo making something in the kitchen. They were both making weird faces and their hands were covered in flour. Star studies it intently. She could barely recognize herself, full bodied and happy as could be. Even her hair was styled prettily. Her hands instinctively touched her own hair which had grown haphazardly and was annoyingly greasy and tangled.

Timo flipped it to the next picture of him and Comet. Then another of her and Timo on what looked like a space station. "That was our first picture." He says. "You helped me buy the camera drone for Killian as a gift to cheer him up cause he couldn't walk very well."
"Why not?"
"He broke his leg."
"Ow."
They flipped to the next one. Her happy face pressed against Killian who's expression was difficult to read. She studied this one longer than the rest. Were they so close that she could do that? "Timo? How long...how long have I been here? On this ship?"
Timo shrugs. "I dunno. I joined back in August. That was almost 3 months ago now. You were part of them before that."
Star looked over Kato and he shrugged as well. "I have been here barely a month. Drink your vitamins."
She does and looks back down at the picture. "Can I keep this for a bit, Timo?"
"Yeah, sure. Oh, I have something else too." Timo hops off the bed and runs to her bedside table. He pulls it to the side and pops open a hidden hatch. "You hid me here once, to protect me from the badguys. You have stuff here. Maybe it'll help you remember." He lifts up an ornate box and sets it on the bed beside her. Star puts down the bottle and takes the box into her hands. "It's locked..." She frowns. "Don't suppose you know how to open it?"
Timo shook his head. "Well, thanks anyway, Kid. It means alot." She sets it to the side and finishes off the bottle then sticks her green tongue out at Kato. "There, you happy?"
"I am content." Kato takes the bottle and leaves, Timo close behind.
****
Star blinks open her eyes as something wakes her. Her eyes note the clock. 2 am. What had woken her? A sharp pain in her belly alerts her. Of course...her bladder would choose the time when everyone was asleep. She pulls back the blankets, noting the datapad with the big red button. Part of her was tempted to use it, but a spark of pride keeps her from touching it. She forces herself to her feet, shivering as the cold hit her skin. She stumbles forward, using the bed as support. The bathroom was only a few feet away. She could make it. The biggest obstacle was the space between the bed and the wall. She stands and forces her feet forward, staggering like a drunken man across the space.

Star barley catches the wall and uses it to help her round her way into the bathroom and onto the toilet. She shivered uncontrollably as she sat there, having forgotten to grab her coat or put on socks. Her mind drifts to how frustrated she was at her condition again. Only a few feet and she was exhausted. She finishes and it takes all her effort to hold herself upright on the sink to wash her hands. She observes her bony fingers under the water, her nails chipped and uneven. She looks up at herself in the mirror. There were dark circles under her eyes, her face guant, tired and unhappy. Her hair a stringy mess, uneven in many places. She looked nothing like the woman in the photo. This Star that everyone loved...she wasn't her.

Her mind distracted, she forgets that her body was on the verge of collapse and her legs give way. She just manages to catch herself on the counter, barely saving herself from striking her head, which at this point may have very well killed her. She lowers herself to her knees and attempts to crawl back to the bed. Star barely makes it past the bathroom when the rest of her energy drains away. She curls into a ball shivering uncontrollably on the cold floor. She needed to press the button. Oh wait, the button was on the bed. Tears trickle down her face. Why couldn't I have just died? That would be a far better existence than this.
 
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Killian shook his head when the woman said that she hated smuggling. At least he knew what she thought even if it wasn't exactly a great thing for himself. "See you later." It wasn't really said with much inflection that would indicate any sort of thought. He was still doing his best not to say much to her that would be upsetting. Sticking to the facts was probably better for the time.

Returning to the navigation room he reviewed the course and checked the future projections of weather. So far there weren't any readings of the tremendous magnetic pulls or rays from stars that should cause problems. So long as it stayed that way he would be content. Star...Anne had improved enough that the next station stop would be just to sell a few more things and try planning ahead for a hit on a merchant ship. So long as it was alliance. Now with the war and all he would have to be sure to check on that before taking action. Didn't want to get the new agreement all messed up. War profiteering was probably the best way to describe his relationship in the war so far. By the end of this he would be branded not only a thief, smuggler, and murderer if the alliance won but, he would also get a distinguished position of being wanted for treason. So right now anything to build wealth for escape or a more comfortable future with the rebellion was going to be ideal.

While he was in the room Killian began to check some of the logs. They were filled with expenditures and days of repairs. At least they still had some money with which to operate. Gradually his face got closer to the books till he laid his head on the desk and tilted the page toward himself to read. His neck hurt, leg was falling asleep, and head ached when he woke up. Gingerly lifting his face off the desk he glanced at the clock. 3:32, a ridiculous time to wake up. Only about 2 and a half hours till he had to get up.

Starting down the hall with a heavy limp he stopped briefly at Star's door. It wouldn't hurt to check on her. Pushing the door open quietly he glanced at the empty bed and cursed. "Oh hell." Flicking the light on and nearly leaping into the room he found her laying just between the bathroom and the bed. It wasn't that hard to guess what she'd done.

The captain carefully pulled her over to himself and picked her up. Taking her back to her mattress he shook his head. "Should have used the button." Her face had an expression of embarrassment and relief all at the same time. "Well at least you can get your pants up and down." Without an explanation it sounded bad and he was momentarily shocked at it himself. "Um...I uh....Couldn't bend one of my legs for a while and couldn't stand either so it was a little awkward to have to ask for help with my pants."

A smirk grew on his face. "You didn't need to know that." Killian was feeling awkward enough that he chuckled. "Anyway, how about I get you a smaller button that you can put on your wrist or something when we dock at the port this afternoon and then you can do what you can for yourself and when you can't do anymore give a call? And we're not saying a word to the doctor about this incident." Pulling the covers further up on her he grinned. "I don't want him to shove you back into that medical bay. But you've got to help me out here by using the button eh?" Before leaving he checked to make sure she was warm and then he returned to his own room for the remaining time that he had to sleep.
 
Despite being cold as hell, Star had begun to drift in and out of sleep, unable to gather the strength to get up and complete the journey. Then the light flashed on and her salvation approached. Killian rushed to her side, gathering her in his strong warm arms. She clutched his shirt tightly, overwhelmingly grateful for the rescue. He layed her down gently, tucking the covers around her shivering frame. He reprimanded her kindly for not using the button and she flushed red. "I thought i could make it." She murmurs.

"Well at least you can get your pants up and down."
She met his eyes mouth opening in slight shock and then amusement as he tried to clarify his statement. Poor man, his cheeks were flushed and his voice stuttered. She instinctually wanted to tease him but nothing came to mind as to how.

He continued to talk about the button, something about getting her a smaller one and not telling the doc about this moment, but she found it difficult to keep up with everything he said. She blinked wearily finally no longer trembling. He pulled the blankets closer to her neck and smiled up at him. Why was he being so tender and kind with a crew member? She'd suspected that there had once been something between them. Timo's pictures had further increased that suspicion, yet he said nothing. For her sake or his? Or both? She watches him go, wanting to ask but scared of the answer.
***
Star sat in the wheelchair at the window in the lounge, once again buried in blankets, as she watched the ship pull into port later that afternoon. She'd taken two naps already since waking up around 7am. Her body couldn't seem to handle more than few hours at a time. It was extremely frustrating, being stuck in such a body with a mind that continued to fail her even in the simplest tasks. Earlier, Kato had helped her dress and let her choose the outfit. She knew that once upon a time she'd had an eye for fashion but Kato's kind suggestions of better outfit pairings made her painfully aware that she'd lost that skill as well.

Killian came into the lounge and updated her on their shopping plans, promising to return soon. She simply nodded wishing she could escape this ship as well. As the others were out and about she attempted to entertain herself. She pulled a book off the shelf and attempted to read it, but the words blurred together so she threw it aside with frustration. When Kato came in to feed her she insisted on making her own food. So he took her to the kitchen, looming over her shoulder as she attempted to scramble some eggs. After dropping 3 eggs and nearly burning herself twice Kato took over, frustrating her further.

She woke from another nap just as everyone returned from the trip to the station. Timo was the first to greet her with his excited happy demeanor and a gift "bought with his own money". He's gotten her a virtual aquarium. She could feed the fish, play with them, name them, even breed them. She chuckles light at the boy's joy and enthusiasm, ruffeling his hair.

Kato updated Killian on what had transpired during his excursion. "She's becoming increasingly frustrated and depressed with her situation." He says. "Understandable considering things, but we need to do everything we can to keep her upbeat and positive. She'll recover more quickly that way."

Kato observes the captain, noting his expression. "I know this situation hasn't been any easier for you. How are you doing?"
 
The captain spent his morning working on preparing the ship to dock. Timo came up occasionally to join in the navigation room. What was most frustrating about it was the boy's obvious lack of interest in the equations used to land. "This is important. You can't just decide that it doesn't matter." Killian finally pulled the charts over toward himself again. "You can go do whatever you want. I don't have time to explain all of it again. Either you want to learn the first time or it can wait." Patience had been wearing thin and he couldn't help noticing the boy's look on his face. At times like these the man had no idea what to do. "Just...Another time would be better. Ok."

Coming into port had been a little tricky. The ship was repelled a few times by the magnetic field surrounding the planet. Getting the speed and trajectory to break it was always the hard part and then slowing down enough not to crash into the planet was the easiest. When they finally landed he limped out to the main room. "Got a few things to sell and then we'll pick up the medical supplies and some more food."

************************************************************************

If anyone could have the worst timing it was Kato. Of course he started out with how things weren't going right with the recovery and then put more on Killian. The captain glared at the scrawny figure. "How am I doing? What the hell kind of question is that?" Turning his side toward the man he continued unpacking some of the supplies and flopping them on the medical bay bed. "I'm fine. You just need to keep your nose out of my business. If you want to ask about how my legs are feeling that's fine. You're a doctor and you can do that. Do they hurt. Well only the one that I've permanently screwed up and it hurts every damn day." Throwing another box of gloves at the doctor he growled. "Now you can stop pretending to be a shrink or whatever they call those freaks who analyze folks like me."

At least he had an update on Star. She needed to feel engaged in things and he wasn't really sure how to do that yet. However, there were always ideas. Killian finished unloading things and decided to go get Star. If nothing else she could come with and they could talk while he tried to do get some work done on repairing and updating the navigations system.

"C'mon." Grabbing the back of the wheelchair he started to wheel it around. "I need you to come with me for a few minutes." Glancing down at her he grinned. "No reason to worry. I sound angry a lot and it doesn't mean shit." Perhaps there was some left over frustration in his voice, but there was very little he could do about it. "Going up to navigations and I'll be updating some stuff. Just need you to watch the screen and tell me when you see changes on it."

Seemed like that was a job she could do in her current condition. Maybe it would help her feel like she was part of things and get away from the frustration that Kato had described. It wasn't like it would require anything besides seeing from her. Was a big screen too and changes were easy enough to see. Parking her chair and locking it in front of the screen he winked at her and then ducked under the counter. "I'm gonna be putting this new drive in. Tell me if anything changes on the monitor." The first time she spoke it was loud and he jolted. Killian hit his head on the underside of the desk and made the whole thing jump with the impact. "Ow!" Cursing under his breath he crawled out from under the table and then glanced at the screen. "Hmm... Looks fine. I'm gonna do a few more adjustments and then we'll look at getting that red button fixed to be on your wrist."
 
Star looked up at Killian as he grabbed her wheelchair and pushed her down the ship's corridor. He sounded angry and she wondered if it was because of last night. But then he smiles and reassures her she'd done nothing wrong. He was so strange. He rolled her in front of a large screen and told her to watch for changes. Eager to prove she could do something on her own, she does, watching the screen intently. A moment later she notices a change. "It changed!" She yelled in excitement. Such a small thing, but huge to her. Proof her mind wasn't completely failing her. She giggles as he hits his head and grumbles at her.

For the next several minutes she calls out each change, each one lifting her spirits. Finally he exits the table, to find her grinning happily at him. His idea had worked. They roll off to the get the button for her to wear. The fact that she needed it killed some of her previous enthusiasm but did not fully dampen it. Again he's tender in the way he treats her. She was beginning to figure out that his gruffness was just an exterior. She wonders once again if there was something between them once.

"Killian...how long have I been with the crew? Why did I decide to join?" She asks as he works on the button.
 
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