How Green Becomes Wood

"We thought about doing a sunset in the nursery but decided against it, because Daizi wanted something she could really understand. But you could do one in a geometric pattern in here, and if you do deeper colours rather than bright oranges and reds, he may be more accepting of it." Dark sat down in one of the desk chairs and set his gaze about the room, "Or if you rearrange the furniture, you could do a split design, so each of you have half of the room to decorate as you like."

He thought back to their first day, when he wondered if it was better to put them in one room or two, and he knew at the time they only would have agreed to sleep in one room, but now... He wondered if it would help to not have them share a bedroom anymore. Xander would probably like it, but he knew how doubtful it was Alec would agree, especially considering his fears of Xander pulling away.
 
Alec looked from one side to the other and smiled, nodding. "That would be a lot of fun! He could put up band posters, and I can hang my drawings." He seemed more relaxed now, but the fingers of one hand would not stop agitating the fabric on the end of his sleeve. The sleeve was starting to look rather worn as he tugged and messed with it, pulling it down over his hand. The shirt was a little big for him anyway, but pulling it out of shape was not helping the poor bit of clothing. "Dark colors would be nice, or maybe certain pastels. Not pink, definitely not pink, but some blues and greens look nice, right?"
 
"Blues, greens, maybe some violets if you can get Xander to agree too it. Do you have a piece of paper?" Dark asked, patting his pockets for the small sketchbook he normally carried, "If you put it behind some mountains, it would be really simple but still evoke the same soothing feelings."
 
Alec handed Dark his sketch pad. "Here you go. I like the idea of using a mountain. That would look nice! Or would it look like nature is having a pastel disco? As cool as that sounds, I don't think either of us want that on our wall."
 
Finding a pencil, Dark quickly sketched a rough shape of overlapping mountains with a half circle rising above them before turning it around to Alec, "If you stick with shades of blue, or blue and purple, you can use a dark orange for the sun, and it will have great contrast. Or green mountains, a dark orange sun, and a blue sky."
 
Alec rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "That looks really nice," he said slowly, "and I like it, but the more I look at it, the more I wonder if it's 'us.' Do we really like mountains and sunrises enough to paint it on our wall? I think I might, but I don't think Xander would." He tapped his chin and shook his head. "Maybe we should stick with nice, safe lines."
 
"Maybe. Save it to ask him about it," Dark suggested, but turned the page, "If you want just lines..." He drew a few boxes, roughly the shape of the wall they planned to paint. The first he sketched three simple lines, which left three different triangles. The next he spent more time on. He split the 'wall' into two long rectangles and two squares, and then turned the page on an angle and drew a square which he filled with smaller ones, shading different pieces to indicate where the different colours would be. Finally, on the last square, he split the 'wall' into uneven rectangles. In the larger one, he drew a circle, and then he drew another circle which crossed into it, and over the other lines. That circle he shaded to indicate it would be painted three colours, indicating where it intersected with the other lines. Then he turned the page back to Alec, "Here are just lines. Or, lines and circles. The last one, I think, still has subtle natural vibes, if you view them as the sun and moon."
 
"Oh, those are perfect!" Alec grinned, looking at them both. "You did that so fast, too! And these could be so many different colors, or just two or three... I like this!" He frowned, looking between the squares and the circles. Then he brightened. "I know! How about squares on one wall and circles on the other. I think that would look fantastic! Or is that too greedy? Is that too greedy to want both? Should we stick with one wall?" He was already trying to picture them on both walls and what colors to paint them.
 
"It is not greedy," Dark replied, "You can do both walls if you like. And these patterns are really easy to reproduce, so you can redraw them and test different colours." Again, he looked around the room, "You can choose the colours on one, and Xander could choose the other. And you can get new blankets to match. If you agree on colours, it could be interesting if your blankets and sheets match the colours of the opposite wall, for the visual interest. Whatever feels comfortable."
 
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"That would be so cohesive!" Alec grinned, waving a hand to encompass the room. "I'll think about it, test out some colors, and talk to Xander about it." His smile wobbled a little. "Just as soon as he gets home." He stood and went to the desk, finding his colored pencils. "The lines feel like they need bold colors, but the circles need softer colors. Do you agree?"
 
"I think that makes sense," Dark agreed with a nod, "Round shapes tend to be perceived as softer than sharp ones."

He stood up from his chair and gently put his hand on Alec's shoulder, "Everything will be alright, okay? I promise."
 
Alec's hands stopped. He stood holding the pencils in one hand, his head down. "How do you do it?" he asked softly. "Why do you do it? Why do do you let him go when you are so worried and you think that it's dangerous? Not that I think Declan would hurt him, just... the whole situation."
 
"Because strict parents raise sneaky kids," Dark replied, much quicker than he expected to, "If we forbid him, he could decide to lie to us and see him anyway, and then Declan still does what he would do anyway, but we do not know were Xander is. Or if he agreed to not go, he would hold it against us, because we are forbidding him from meeting with a biological family member. And Daizi and I do not want either of you to come to resent us. So, even though we are both uncomfortable with it... In the long run, it is better for us to trust him enough to make smart choices, so that, hopefully, he will trust us enough to not hide anything from us. And yes, Daizi will have him wear earplugs and make sure he drinks water, and yes I will wait up until he gets home, but we are still going to let him go so he knows he can come back."
 
"Let him go so he knows he can come back?" Alec repeated carefully. He moved to sit down on his bed, setting the pencils and sketchbook aside. "I suppose that does make sense... in a way." He sighed deeply. "I guess it's just hard to see other people moving on and growing up so much faster than you do. It feels like being left behind even when they are right there in the room with you."
 
"You are growing up too. Just in different ways. I think you are much more empathetic and understanding than your brother is, and a lot less closed off. That took growing up too, and I do not think Xander has quite made it there, yet. And I think you have learned to make friends easier than he has, which also takes growing up." Dark went and sat down beside him, stretching out his long legs, "If I am being honest, I do think that sometimes you hold yourself back because you worry about staying perfectly together, and it might be easier for you if you tried to keep in mind that although you are a twin, you are still an individual person. You matter as Alec, not just as Alexander."
 
Alec couldn't help but smile a little at the name. "I suppose you're right," he admitted. "I suppose I do have my own sets of skills and strengths, but you're kind of wrong about the friends thing. I'm better at talking to people, not necessarily making friends. I talk to them, I joke with them, but I don't... I don't give them my trust. Not really. I haven't told Sloan about Declan, although I almost did via a slip of the tongue, and I don't talk to Peter about anything important. I don't talk to anyone except you and Daizi about important things, and, no offense, but I don't really think of us as 'friends.'"
 
"No, I do not think of you as my friend either. And you and Xander would not like it if I did, because Daizi and I we have an emotional role in your lives, but also a functional one, and if we just acted like your friends, then we would not be able to serve that second role, and that one is just as important, if not more. Because our job is to help you grow up into functioning adults, which means teaching you about boundaries and puberty and consent, and without that," He shrugged, leaning back slightly, "Friends are there to give emotional support and have fun, and that is great, and important, but Daizi and I have to make sure you and your brother have a solid foundation to build your adult life from. If we just wanted to run around and have fun with you all the time, then you would not have that," He looked at Alec for a little while, and then cast his gaze around their bedroom again, "It is difficult, sometimes, because we are playing catch up, and sometimes we get it wrong. And you know, it is okay to not be ready to trust people yet. That takes time. It took me ages, and I still have very few friends. I mean, I do not even tell people my name. But I know there are so many people out in the world who would love to get to know you, and would love to have you open up to them."
 
Alec gave him a half-hearted smile. "Maybe someday. It would be nice, but not now." He shook himself and stretched. "Anyway, I heard you and Daizi plotting in the nursery. Do you want to tell me what you're up to in there, or is it a surprise?"

He didn't really care at the moment. Well, he did care, but not as much as he would have cared at another time. He just really wanted to move the conversation in a different direction. It was a good talk with Dark, and one he would think about later and for some time to come, but right now, he felt like there was so much his mind and his stomach ached. A distraction would be good, probably for both of them.
 
"We are trying to decide on the theme. It is harder than I expected it to be. We never had trouble on deciding on décor and styles for the rest of the house, because we know what we like, but the baby?" He exhaled slowly, "We managed to decide on what we do not want. We do not want anything that screams 'girl': we do not want it to be bright pink, we do not want it to be covered in princesses--she will get enough of that out in the world, and if she decides she likes them, we will support it, and take her to Disney World, and have her meet Cinderella, but we want it to be something she chooses, not something she is forced into. We also decided want it to be something she can grow into, because when she is five, we want her to go to bed in a place that makes her feel like a big kid and not like a little baby, but also something youthful enough that it makes sense as a place for a baby and a toddler. And I think dark furniture, not white, because babies are messy... and I really like a dusty blue colour... Or a deep periwinkle."

Dark rubbed his eyes. It really was tough, and he found it stressful, but then after a few moments he said, "I know the crib though," he turned towards Alec with a brightness in his face, "Do you want to see?"
 
Alec nodded along, feeling a bit bewildered by Dark's explanation but trying valiantly to understand. He'd never really thought about girls being forced to like princesses. How did you force someone to like a princess? Was that like being forced to say yes to something instead of no? It was a bit of a confusing idea. When he suggested the crib, however, and Alec saw the look on his face, he grinned and nodded. "Absolutely! Is it in your workshop? Let's go right now!"
 
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